The usual argument that concerns regret goes a little something like: If regret something, you have to realize that those mistakes or missed opportunities make you who you are, and you wouldn't be who you are and where you are today if it wasn't for those choices you have made. It's a nice piece of logic, but there are two things that are missing, gaps in the logic that make such rhetoric difficult to justify. The first is that it assumes you are 100% happy with your current position in life. The second assumes (by inference) that you can actually change the choice you have made.
Let's start with the first. Is anyone happy with their current state in life? Unless you are Pollyanna or a complete euphoric, there are some thorns in your ass in life. Since regrets concern missed opportunities or mistakes, we are dealing with choices. The problem with today's society and why so many of us are depressed is that we put too much importance on happiness. It is as if we made all the right choices, met all the right people, married the right person, went to the right school, got the right job, then we'd be happy in life. Some of us are content in life, as in we won't complain much, but no one is 100% happy. Therefore, we can all admit we don't like some choices we have made.
The second fault in the above statement is that it infers that we can actually change the past, or, at the very least, that if we could change the past we would. Well, the problem with that is that we cannot change the past, period, the end. Changing the past is simply a complete violation of the laws of nature, so forget hypotheticals, because it cannot happen. So, if we all have choices we don't like, and we cannot change them, then what is so wrong with having regrets?
If I may use a personal example, I regret ever starting to smoke cigarettes. It is a filthy habit that I cannot seem to kick. I did quit for a couple of months about a year ago. Subsequently I gained about 35 pounds, and I could not seem to think the way I usually do. The latter concerned me more, because that's what I love to do: research, accumulate and synthesize information, and formulate hypotheses and conjectures; it's about the only thing I'm good at. Needless to say, I started smoking again, and I have little desire to kick the habit again. But I regret ever starting at all. So I must ask: what is wrong with regret?
I regret turning down my invitation to attend the SC Governor's School of the Arts 2-year program. I regret not making love to certain girls. I regret certain things I've said that have burned personal bridges. I regret loosing touch with an old friend from high school. But there is nothing I can do to change any of this, nor can any of us change anything we've ever done. As long as we don't regret our entire lives, what exactly is wrong with having regrets? It can be a paralyzing thing, and it can be a motivator, just like certain mind altering drugs or facing your fears.
To me, it seems that regret is absolutely an okay thing to have, if not completely healthy and appropriate. It seems that somewhere someone came up with the aforementioned argument and it has become a cliche; a stale cliche at that.
"This is the regret that you. This is the regret that you make and the something you take and the blah, blah, blah, something, something. Give me a cigarette. Mistakes like this you don't make. Some you make and okay. Not okay, something, you make other ones. Know that you should do better. The goddamn regret. The goddamn regret. Oh, and I'll die, and I'll tell you what, the biggest regret of my life is I let my love go. What did I do? And I'm ashamed. A million years ago, the fucking regret and guilt, these things, don't ever let anyone ever say to you you shouldn't regret. Don't do that. Don't! You regret what you fucking want! Use that. Use that. Use that regret for anything, any way you want. You can use it, okay?"
~Earl, Magnolia
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